WHAT CAN WE...?

A Five Minute Sketch / Curtain Raiser

by

Craig Abernethy


Copyright 2009


DG Member
All Rights and Privileges



Cast of Characters

Yang:       A man.

Yin:        A woman.

Someone:    A woman or man never
acknowledged by Yin or Yang.


SETTING:    A bare stage.

TIME:       The present.


              YANG
      (Pops On Stage and looks a his watch)
Yin!?

              YIN
      (Pops On Stage)
Yang?

              YANG
      (To self)                
Four minutes fifty-six. Fifty-five.

              YIN
What?

              YANG
Exactly: “what” can we do in four minutes, fifty, forty-nine…?

              YIN
“Do?”

              YANG
Here! In five minutes! Less! Forty-four…        

              YIN
Make “the big sloppy whee-hooo?”

              YANG
In under four-forty? That’s not “the big sloppy whee-hooo!”

              YIN
No?

              YANG
That’s a big sloppy mess!

              YIN
But…?

              YANG
We don’t have time for a fully developed: beginning, middle, end “whee-hooo!”

              YIN
These days, who does?

              YANG
The concept: what can we do…?

              YIN
Hmm.

              YANG
Very big: “concepts.” Can we do this?

              YIN
Can we do… that?

              YANG
Very big. “Cutting edge!”

              YIN
What can…?

              YANG
We do… here?

              YIN
In the theatre?

              YANG
Yes!

              YIN
“Life?”

              YANG
Live.

              YIN
Live life? In the theatre?

              YANG
Here! Four minutes nine, eight…

              YIN
What then?

              YANG
Someone pops on?

              SOMEONE
      (Pops On Stage)
What?

              YIN
And they do something?

              YANG and SOMEONE
      (Simultaneously)
“They?”

              YIN
“Someone.”

              SOMEONE
Yes?

              YANG
Someone does what? In less than three minutes fifty-seven, six…

              YIN
Something?

              SOMEONE
What do I do?

              YANG
      (Thinks briefly and then energetically plays both roles)
“Hello?” “Hello!” They fall in love. Some obstacles… “I die!” “What loss!” Someone could
do that.

              SOMEONE
      (Plays both roles, aping Yang)
“Hello?” “Hello!” Uhminny, uhminny, uhminny… “I die!” “What…?”

              YIN
Too “done.”

              YANG
You think?

              SOMEONE
      (Mostly to self)
I like it!  “Hello?” “Hello!” Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee! “I die!”

              YIN
      (To self)
Someone does something?

              SOMEONE
“What loss!”

              YANG
      (To self)
It has to be “cutting edge.” With “conflict.”

              YIN
      (To self)
Swords! A duel!

      (Someone begins to play all parts in a multi-character swashbuckling fight scene)

              YANG
      (To self)
“Innovative!”

              YIN
      (Begins to practice fencing)
Someone could “en garde” and “pas de deux!”


              SOMEONE
“En garde!”

              YANG
Challenging the limitations of form and content!

              SOMEONE
“Pas de deux!”


              YIN
Someone could lunge! Lunge!

              SOMEONE
      (Lunges and grunts)
Uhhng! Uhhng!

              YANG
In a non-linear sort of absurdist sort of… What are you doing!?

      (Yin and Someone stop)

              YIN
      (Shrugs)
Just a thought.

              YANG
Pummeling archetypes!

              SOMEONE
      (Shadow boxing)
Take that “place!”

              YANG
Deconstructing dialogue!

              SOMEONE
      (Stands still facing Down Stage)
“Hello – what loss - I die – hello.”

              YANG
Towards a contemporary “new-ness.”

              SOMEONE
      (As before)
Uhminny, uhminny…

              YIN
      (Awed)
Wow!

              YANG
Yes! With “wow.”

              YIN
That’s a lot for five minutes.

              YANG
We’ll get someone to write it down.

              SOMEONE
Hey! I’m no nobody writer! Hey!
              YIN
Someone?

              SOMEONE
Hey!

              YANG
Someone will come along…

              SOMEONE
      (Weakening)
Huh…?

              YANG
Going their merry way…

      (Someone begins walking around as if directed by Yang and Yin)

              YIN
Not a care in the world?

              YANG
Maybe yes, not likely.

              YIN
Going their “way.”

              YANG
Not really “thinking” anything.

              YIN
Then?

              YANG
Zap! Out of the cosmic swirl of inspiration…

              YIN
Intrigued by a passing thought?

      (Someone stops abruptly and begins searching for a pen and paper)

              YANG
“What can one do…”

              YIN
“In the theatre, in five minutes?”
      (Freezes)

              YANG
Someone will do that.
      (Freezes)

              SOMEONE
      (Writing)
A man enters, says something, woman pops on stage… man: “four-fifty-six, fifty-five…”

      (Blackout and End of “What Can We…?”)